17th August 2018

1_H8VDSf1abxeyKDpm57mx8A@2x.jpeg

Today I realise that it’s not just your presence I miss. It’s not the way you used to bite your lip, always from the corner of your mouth and always when you were thinking hard. Or that thunderous laugh that would erupt marvellously, during our skit searching session. It’s not even the spontaneous outings, which seem to be eternally etched.

What I really miss: acceptance. The distraction your presence brought that allowed me to forget about finding acceptance within myself. The comments I receive from my mirror could never match to the compliments that poured in your company.

Within your company, I coasted. Bobbing along the waves, oblivious to the danger ahead. And now, just like a 2 year old at the mention of bedtime, I put up a fight. An urge to stop this uncomfortable journey to know myself.

Though something within me has always pushed me right to the cliff edge. And sometimes I think it’s an old soul resting in my chest, that knows better than me. Knows that all these lessons are learnt in only one way. And if that means compromising on comfort? Well, comfort has always brought with it, complacency. And that’s really of no use to me.